.the evil R.A.

.im 26 years old. 

.26 with three beautiful babies, one loving and supporting husband, and friends/family that are out of this world awesome and supportive as well.

.never did I think I would be diagnosed with R.A. at age 26.

.never did I think I would EVER be diagnosed with R.A. EVER!

.but age 26. I'm not even 30 yet. 

.r.a.

.rheumatoid arthritis.

.i mentally prepared myself for the worse, dropping my older two off at a friends house, and walking into the office with my hubby and 3 month old. Or so I thought I was mentally prepared...until I watched her right "Seronegative Rheumatoid Arthritis." And looked at my hubby holding my 3 month old, and thought of my babies who I was going to pick up after walking out with the diagnose of rheumatoid arthritis.

.we talked about what changes would be made in my lifestyle to take this on. We talked about pill options and side effects. A pill that I would take for the rest of my life. One pill that could give me G.I. problems, another pill that could bring on huge birth defects of my future babies if I got pregnant on it. 

.we talked about changes to my physical activity. Limiting or potentially taking out things I absolutely love and my "out" on rough days. 

.changes to my diet. Limiting things I love, and being limited to a handful of foods that you SHOULD eat, with rheumatoid arthritis. 

.i walked into that office feeling like I was emotionally prepared, and out of the office realizing I was not. I walked out realizing I was changed. 

.changed in the way I fill out mine and my childrens medical paperwork. Changed in my daily activity-and finding/knowing my limits. Changed to find my new "outs." Changed in the way I grocery shop, and prepare my family meals. Changed in taking a pill, every day, for the rest of my life. Changed in the way I physically feel every morning getting out of bed, or stand for a while preparing a meal. Changed in the way I can keep my with my children, and tend to their needs not as simply as I wish I could. Changed in maintaining my weight, now and in future pregnancies. Two little words-rheumatoid arthritis-changed me.

.this whole process, yes it has changed things, but some of the changes-has been good changes, and things I felt I needed to learn from this life-long trial.

.i am blessed. 

.i am blessed with a loving husband who loves me. A husband who cares for me, and is there for me. Even when I put on a tough face, he knows how I feel. He works crazy hard so we can afford these crazy medical bills, doctor visits, prescriptions, and so forth. 

.I am blessed Andrew has a fantastic job, and understanding manager who allows Andrew to attend doctor visits, work from home when needed, and has always been an open ear when Andrew talks about our family.

.i am blessed with a supportive family. Phone calls, advice, prayers, fasting, support, 3-week trips to come help, more prayers, an open ear. I am beyond blessed with a family support system, even when they live afar.

.i am blessed with a "family support" system close by. Friends who willingly take my kids- sometimes last minute, sometimes all day, sometimes overnight, as we were starting this whole process. Friends who drop off meals, visits in the hospital, a simple text, or a prayer on behalf of my family. 

.i am blessed with three beautiful babies. I am blessed that although they have their moments, they are great kids. They love me, and care for me. I am blessed that at the end of the day, they still want hugs, kisses, and "ugga-muggas" even when I feel guilty of the amount of yelling I may have had, and the lack of patience with them. I am blessed to be able to "snuggle" with each of them, and love them.

.i am blessed with a Heavenly Father who loves me. I am blessed with a Savior who has felt all that I have felt. Who has literally wrapped His arms around my multiple time through all of this, and given me peace. I am blessed to know He is there for me, and has felt the pain that I feel. That through Him, I can endure this trial.

.i am blessed with a trial. I am blessed with a life-time trial, that is allowing me to learn and grow. It is allowing me to see my weaknesses, and pushing me to grow them into my strengths.

.I know there will be hard times-that is why we are here on earth. To learn and grow. To become more like Thee. I know I will still have meltdowns and rough days, but I also know it's okay. Sometimes a good cry, is what we need. I have found, when I am down- I become closer to my husband, to my Savior. I become more grateful for my family, my friends, my beautiful kids. I may "fall down" but when I stand, I'm a little stronger each time. 

.so yes. Two words- Rheumatoid Arthritis- it has rocked my world lately. It has changed me. But for the better. I know these changes are going to make me a stronger, healthier, person. But these changes are also making me more aware of the important things in life. More aware of my blessings, more aware of the potential my Savior sees in me, as a Daughter of God. More aware that this trial is small, and I can endure it with His help. 

Tayson's Birth Story

.i KNEW i was going to have you december 29th.

.it had been planned for quite a long time, as long as you were healthy, i was healthy, and you didnt come before than.

.i didnt really think you would come early. mommy's body doesnt go into labor. i was no where close with your sister, nor your brother...so the thought of "coming early" didnt truly cross my mind.

.grandma mcdonald came to stay with brooklynn and parker. she sure had one hell of a flight to get here. what was planned as a smooth red eye flight, ended up being a delayed flight, a canceled flight, another delayed flight, and finally arriving 24 hours later than expected. THANK GOODNESS she made it. it gave mommy a peace of mind knowing your brother and sister were at home, being taken care of, and i could focus on having you.

.i barely slept the night before. (typical). between picking up grandma, showing her everything around the house, packing my bag, and getting to bed, i think i got 3 hours of sleep total. we had to be at the hospital at 5:30 so we planned to leave at 5....well we didnt leave until 5:15 and hit every.single.freaking.light. your dad was so tense, and would get all worked up when we watched the light in the near distant go yellow, and than red. i just laughed and said, "of course."

.we arrived at St. Luke's hosptial, we had NO clue where to go. there was no one at the front desk. there was no one around, except for one lady. Thankfully she saw our stress trying to find where to go because we were already late. She told us directions, and off we went, finally finding the check-in desk and arriving at 5:45. They were SO nice. My goodness. Checked me in, and had me in my delivering room around 6:15.

.i changed, and climbed into the delivering bed, and talked with your dad before my sweet nurses (bonnie and Paula) came in to get me all prepped. They were in shock this was our THIRD baby, and that we were 25 & 27. They said we looked like teenagers. They had an IV started, and pitocin pumping by 7am.

.daddy and I just talked about how unreal this was, that it still hasn't "hit" is that we were having another baby...like TODAY. Within hours. nurses came in and checked on me every now and than. They were THE sweetest.

.around 8 doctor Haun (whom I love with all my heart) came in and broke my water. When the nurse asked "can she have an epidural yet?" Doc Haun responded "oh yes, she can have whatever she wants." I knew once my water broke, things were going to progress quickly, and contractions were going to make me want to punch someone. So we ordered a epidural stat.

.i sent dad to go get breakfast, cause i knew I'd be just laying around waiting for the epidural and things could progress quickly. He was starving. I told him, don't you DARE bring anything back in the room. I don't want to smell anything.

.8:30--2 guys come in to give the epidural. I had seen the assistant earlier, he had come in my room earlier to mess with the little machine the epidural hooks up to and introduced himself and told me "if you plan to get an epidural, I'll see you later." I responded, "oh, well than, we will definately be seeing each other later." I had texted daddy when they first came in, saying "prepping for epidural." Your dad is weird, and kinda likes watching it. He cannot believe the size needle they put in my back. Daddy showed up just before they started. I got to tuck my head down to my chest, and hug this assistant I had just met, as they put in my epidural. I wanted to kiss them as I felt it start to work.

.part of getting an epidural, is having a catheter too. When the nurse put the cath in, I about screamed, it felt like she scrapped my insides all the way. Even with the epidural, I felt that. Than with every contraction, it woud push up against the cath and I just wanted to scream. This started at 9am. So with every deep hard contraction...I knew, because I felt the beastly thing pushing up against my cath. AWFUL. Nurse checked me around 9:45 and I was STILL only a 4. I wanted to cry. 

.Your dad just about got smacked when he said told the nurse "yea, probably a few more hours, around 2." I quickly said "oh no, it will be sooner than that...I say around 12" and than the bet was on. No way was I going to continue this contraction/cath crap for that long.

.at 10am I called grandma McDonald to see how she was doing, and how brooklynn and parker were doing. I updated her that I was still at a 4, so it might be a little while before we had a baby. 

.after I got off the phone with grandma, daddy and I was talking. I would stop at every contraction because that stupid cath would just rub/poke my inside from the pressure. 

.at 10:10 I looked at daddy and said it was time. Just as I have with all my babies, I felt you drop down, and the pressure was on. Daddy has quickly learned that when I say it's time, it's time. 

.daddy ran out in the hall saying "my wife is ready, she needs to push now." The nurse came in kinda irritated since she had checked me 30 minutes ago and I was still a 4. I wanted to kick her in the face. I KNEW what I was feeling, and I KNEW it was time to push. 

.at 10:13 she checked me- a shocked look goes across her face and she says "your fully dilated." (No crap!)

.she quickly calls other nurses, and soon we have 3 nurses in there prepping everything quickly. I was just focusing on not pushing. The pressure was insane. Even with an epidural in, I can still feel the ridiculous amount of pressure. 

.they called doctor Haun.--who just so happened to be walking to an c-section. When she asked which patient, and they said me, she quickly ran to my room knowing it would be quick. (She delivered parker and it was 20 minutes pushing total). As she walked in she saw my face and said "alright ladies, let's do this. Can you see her face, she is ready to have a baby."

.my first push, I felt pathetic. I could feel pressure, but I couldn't feel myself actually push. I said "this is ridiculous, I can't feel myself push, I'm probably not even pushing."

.doc Haun looked up and said "you give me two more pushes like you just did, and he will be here" I didn't believe her. No way. But I "pushed" two more times.

.boom. You were here. 7 minutes after the nurse checked me saying I was fully dilated, to being born onto this earth. 

.Doc Haun and the nurses said I am made to have babies with how quickly I had you, and with no tearing involved. They also could not get over how thick your ambilicol cord was. It was ridiculous. Your dad will never forget cutting that "fire-hose". 

.We knew all "equipment" was working when you peed all over doctor Haun. Your scream/cry reminded me SO much of your sister. Your daddy and I cried as you took your first breath, and I instantly fell in love with your dark hair (just like your sister's). You were my "biggest baby" by 5oz. 

.you were our first baby that daddy and I actually had a name for going into the hospital. I was beyond excited that we had agreed on a name earlier on, and it wasn't going to be a day full of "the name game" and agreeing on one. I had heard your name during a football game, but hated the ending of "som" so I changed it to a "son" ending and fell in love with it, your middle name you sure with your Uncle Tyler, as well as your great-grandfather. 

.although you were not "planned" and daddy and I are still in shock we got pregnant with you while using protection. We KNOW you were meant to be here. You have brought such a peace to our home. A calm in the crazy storm. An answer to our prayers, and an indescrible love. We love you T-man. 

TAYSON JAMES WESTENSEE

BORN:12/29/2014 @10:20am

7lbs 6oz & 21 inches 

.thanksgiving 2014...and the rest of november.

.november was a busy month....but i knew december was going to be much, much, busier. 

.i had planned one project every weekend in november before december came, before christmas came, before BABY came. 

.we started the month out well. getting a few projects done the first weekend, and the second weekend, i helped host a craft boutique....which i made these wood boards for. it was fun, and successful for most of our "vendors"...maybe not for us, but thats aright. i actually sold more boards the following weeks. we went one a shaved ice date with out kids one weekend, and andrew was embarrassed how BLUE my lips/teeth were from it, when we ran a couple errands afterwards. 

.we also took the kids to toys-r-us at the beginning of the month to see what toys the kids wanted for christmas. we figured we would take them around and see what toys they point out, but than continue to ask them throughout the next month what they want for christmas, and what toys STUCK with them. this worked GREAT. the kids each mentioned like 2 toys they REALLY wanted, and we were able to make it happen. however, these toys were some of their favorite that they LOVED but daddy said no, and so did the price tag :) thankfully they were NOT one of the toys mentioned that they wanted for christmas for the next month. 

.we potty trained parker. i was determined to not have 2 in diapers again. been there, done that. parker was potty trained day and night at 2 years and 4 months. 

.well plans changed quickly when our family got hit with sickness. parker got hit first with the flu. the poor boy was SO scared to death to throw up. it was so sad. i pulled the crib mattress into our room on the floor, right outside the bathroom door in our bedroom. i ended up sleeping on the floor next to the mattress. (not cool being THAT pregnant)....b was SO sweet to parker and rubbed his back and asked him what he wanted....

(this is what a mommy looks like after being up all night with sick kids)

...and than brooklynn got it. and on our anniversary....and of course we had a whole day planned for our anniversary to celebrate (something we never do)...so i stayed home with a sick girl that would yell "get these bad germs out of my body" while she laid in pain and sent Andrew off to get his surprise massage. 

.thankfully andrew and I didnt get it, but it did push parker back in potty training. poor kid had the runs, and so we put a diaper on him while he was sick. he still has accidents at night every now and than. but otherwise during the day is fully potty trained. 

.than there was thanksgiving. i had told andrew he was out of his mind if he thought i was going to cook a turkey, let alone TOUCH a turkey. i told him thanksgiving was going to be LOW KEY and EASY this year. I was going to order the turkey already seasoned and cooked to perfection from the local bbq place, and i would make mashed potatoes, stuffing, and sweet potatoes....corn would be from a steamable frozen bag, and pies would be purchased from the frozen isle in the grocery store. 

.however, this all changed when i realized the DAY BEFORE i hadnt ordered the turkey. we had planned for our anniversary all day date the day before thanksgiving...so while we were on our way to our first destination i had andrew call the bbq place and see if you could put in an order. andrew said, "tash, they are practically laughing at me on the other end of the line when i ask order a turkey for TOMORROW" soooooo on our list of things to do for our anniversary was track down a turkey, and figure out how to cook it. 

.we literally left our kids for 8-10 hours with the babysitter and celebrated our anniversary. we went to a movie (hunger games), we went to lunch (texas roadhouse) and we did all of our christmas shopping. can i say...i may make this a tradition!?! it was SO nice to go out with Andrew, make decisions on what we want to get the kids TOGETHER and buy pretty much everything in one day. I think i had maybe 3-4 presents i needed to get before christmas for my family/his family....and we had 3 things we were going to get online-walmart black friday. that was it. literally everything DONE. it was fantastic. 

(can you spot the milk duds i snuck into the movie?)

.and we found a FROZEN turkey, and began to thaw it in water that night, for thanksgiving the following day. (hahahaha, i still laugh at this).

.i called my mom thanksgiving morning and had her walk me through what to do with the turkey....and than i told andrew what to do. NO WAY was i touching the turkey. we ended up getting the turkey in and oven, and crossed our fingers it would turn out good. than we headed to the gas station to get half off slushees (kids LOVED this). I cleaned a bit inside, while Andrew hung some christmas lights. 

.dinner time came, turkey was done and tasted delicious. it was a great thanksgiving with our family. low key, and easy--just what i wanted. i didnt have to be anywhere, i didnt have to drive anywhere, i didnt have to make someone i didnt want to, i didnt even have to get out of my pj's...it was fantastic.

(thanksgiving wears you out)

.we finished the month with our last two weeks of dance class (more to come)...finishing the boys room. (more to come). running errands, growing a bigger and bigger belly (and body), getting black eyes, going into "deep clean" mode, and having a reality check of having THREE kids when we cleaned out the van and put all THREE carseats in the back of the van.

 .dance class.

 .parker wanted to shop while we were grabbing things to finish his room.

 .pretty sure b got this when parker threw a toy at her eye.

 .reality check. THREE carseats (and yes, we have ugly blankets under the carseats...but my leather seats look fantastic. 

 growing. EVERYWHERE.

 .deep cleaning mode- i took everything out and cleaned it like crazy.

.next month- parties, christmas, and baby tayson.