.changed.

.i am writing a more in depth, personal post regarding change.

.i am taking my time on it.

.so until than, everyone will have to wait.

.however...i can say i am changed.

.i have fallen in love again, and so has my husband.

.there is a new love in our home, for one another and for our beautiful daughter.

.she brings such a love to our family, that i honestly cannot explain.

.my experience is completely indescribable.

.i am changed, for the better, and i am loving every minute of it.

.a letter to my dad.

.dear dad.

.i think this is the easiest way for me to express my feelings. i can cry all i want, and not have to talk to anyone while doing so. i can just sit and write...and that's what i need to do right now.

.when i was in seventh grade, bre and i had this idea that we wanted a dog. mom finally said we could if we earned all the money....well 2 weeks later we had over $100 thanks to the rich neighbors next to us that would pay a ridiculous amount to do a horrible car-wash job. well dad started looking, and we really wanted a border collie like my dad had. we looked and looked and no luck.

.saturday we were raking leaves, when dad told us we should work faster. we were confused and just figured there was another job that we would have to do, and thats why we needed to hurry it up. when we asked him why...he explained that he found an ad in the newspaper for border collie/blue heeler mix. we were SO excited, and worked quickly to finish the job.

.mom wasnt too thrilled that this was all happening so fast. and than told us we could only get a girl because she heard they were more calm. we traveled to this house, and looked at the puppies inside this cardboard box. we asked about any girl puppies, and was informed there was one girl puppy, however she didn't make it. we played with the puppies, and grew EXTREMELY attached to this one who was wild, spunky, fun, energetic (you know everything mom DIDNT want). 

.dad explained we needed to go home and talk to mom, and that we would get back to them. he got in the car looked at bre and i and said, "you really want this dog don't you?" we both nodded, and he gave us the cash and we brought home our dog.

.there are so many stories about dog. but i am not going to get into them yet. i might sit down and share a few later, but right now i am not really in the mood to write too much more.

.the point of this post was to let my emotions out, and my feelings. friday i got a phone call from my dad saying that d.o.g was hurt some way and that he was going to see the vet on monday. the long weekend came and went, and my poor baby couldnt even stand on his back leg at all. dad would carry him into the house in the morning and outsde on his pillow at night. he was still fun, with a spunky personality, but was hurting and not enjoying life.

.well today is monday. and i received the phone call i was dreading. dad called. his first comment was "this seriously runs in the family doesnt it?" confused i asked what he was talking about. than he explained that dog had torn his ACL...and than the tears began. dad paused than continued, he was so nervous when the vet came out to the truck, he peed all over my seat...but i dont care, its just a stupid truck. than dad started to choke up, he continued, "i rubbed his leg when they gave him the shot, he went peacefully. i just spent the last 2 hours burying him down between the two trees at the bottom of the hill. im really sorry! I hope you forgive me."    

.there was no question in my mind that dad did the right thing, i would of did the same thing. its hard because my baby boy wont be there to greet me when i visit in august. he wont whine at my door, i cant skype with him anymore. but he is in a better place now. he has all 4 legs back, he is running, he is in no pain. he is free.

.i guess the hardest thing is how attached the four or us were (mom, dad, bre and me) to dog. he was fun, enjoyable, and so stinking loving. my heart longs for my dad who had to endure this on his own. however, i am SO thankful that dog had someone who loved him to be there with him for his last moments. someone who loved him enough to give his body a place to lay. thank you dad for doing this for me. i ache for not being able to see baby boy before he left, but i am thankful for the knowledge i have that he is happy and jumping around on all four. 

.so yes, if i had to talk about it at this point, i will still cry. my heart is heavy and longs for my baby boy puppy, but he also has lived 9 years, and 5 of those years was on three legs. he is so much happier now.  

.thank you dad for giving me the opportunity to have a pet. to fall in love with him. thank you for taking care of him. thank you for loving him when i cant. thank you for letting him know we love him, and being there with him. thank you for doing this for me, when i couldnt.

.thank you dad. i love you. 

 (bre likes this picture cause dog is smiling.)

.due date day.

.we have officially made it to my due date successfully, but unsuccessfully have delivered a baby girl.

.so now, we are just waiting. andrew sat down and had a nice, long talk with her last night about "how this weekend would be a PERFECT time to come, cause daddy is out of school for two days".

.oh, and cause mommy is VERY uncomfortable, and whines all night about it.yea, you can say we are ready. 

.in the mean time, while waiting. andrew has been...

*taking 21 credits, and working non-stop on homework from 7am to midnight EVERY NIGHT. he never gives himself a break, and i seriously miss it our time together more than anything right now. 

.what have i been doing besides overdosing on facebook, email, and blogger... well this...

 .this is the ADORABLE bedding my sister made my baby girl. i LOVE it.

 .quilt she did to go with bedding (LOVE THE FLOWER!)

 .more of the adorable bedding..

 .inside view of crib (the quilt is folded in half, ITS HUGE.

 .glider the hubby got me. blanket my sister-in-law made, and the pillow i made.

 .curtains that i bought on clearance, and added the pink to the top and bottom and such.

 .baby girls room when you walk in (the picture is not staying, its going to be filled with a black and white maternity picture when my mom in law gets here.

 .close up of the candle holders i did.

 .looking from the door to the right. the whole sha-bang.

 .changing table- with baskets i painted and added too, as well as wipe holder i did.

 .close  up of the baskets i painted and added ribbon to.

 .close up of the wipe holder i covered (i have a hand held one too that's in the diaper bag)

 .canopy cover i made.

 .canopy cover when its closed and covering from the blasted rexburg wind.

 .looking at her door and closet, the stars i painted (use to be in my room) and her duckie hooded towel & bath-robe.

.close up of the flower deal i made (once we get pictures i will add pictures and take off flowers)

.so there you go, can you tell i am BORED OUT OF MY MIND AND READY FOR MY DAUGHTER TO BE HERE... there are a few things i still want to add (a lamp and her name, and some quotes) but time will come and it will be added, until now, i think this will do.

.so come little one. mom and dad are ready for you. (as i am currently typing this and bouncing on a medicine ball.

.sneak peak.

.i have been a MAJOR slacker, and have not been good about posting the AMAZING baby bedding my baby girl gets to sleep in because of my sister Kristina. 

.my sister made this all from scratch, and decided to do the flower on the blanket on her own!! she is awesome.

.i will post more pictures of her room, but thats when we have it completely done. as for right now, here is a sneak peak and to post about how awesome my sister is for making this for me.also THANK YOU mom for buying the material for your granddaughter. 

.thanks debbie (mom in law) for finding this AWESOME crib for $25 bucks!! We love it, and your grand baby will too!

.the curtains i bought on sale, and added the material on the bottom to match the crib.

.the blanket on my rocker was made by my awesome sister in law heather. i was in complete shock when she told me she made it, i love it, and have it on my rocker, its SO soft.

.the pillow i made (with the help of my friend Megan) with a pillow i had sitting around.

.thank you again kristina, mom, megan and heather and debbie. you guys are awesome... and my baby girls room is looking AWESOME! 

Define: HELL

.when asked to define:hell... i have the most appropriate answer and definition anyone could ask for...WORK TODAY.

.i walked into work with things happening at work that shouldnt be happening at work (its friday, boss is gone, staff go crazy i guess)... i just let it go, and moved on. did open my mouth at one point.

.we were under-staffed ALL day long. i mean ALL day. i guess my boss called around lunch time to see how we were doing and if we needed someone else to come in. well i guess she was informed that we were okay and "didnt have that many kids"

."that many kids" are you serious?? we had almost 40 and we usually have 2-3 MORE staff members on days when we have that many kids.

.lunch time came and gone, i had to vacuum floors and mop them, and feed babies. i had 5 babies today...and i was suppose to be the boss. i dont know how i did both today.

.oh yea, i do know how i did it. i didn't eat (that means 9:30 am to 7:00 pm i did not eat ANYTHING because of lack of time and needing to get things done, oh and being over babies and being boss ).

.i have one baby who has acid reflect, bad stomach aches, oh and RSV. he SCREAMED at the top of his lungs for an ENTIRE hour. i finally got him to settle enough that i could feed him and change his diaper, until he SCREAMED at the top of his lungs again... i finally wrapped him up, put him in his car seat (thats where he sleeps best cause its upright, with his acid reflects) and rocked the SCREAMING baby to sleep.

.i had another baby who has been fighting a cold, and was grumpy and wanted to be loved ALL DAY. i usually LOVE this, but considering i hadnt even gotten to ANY office work or fed my face by 2 today.. it was horrible.

.i NEVER sat down today. it was helping staff, cleaning up toys, feeding babies, changing diapers, CONSTANT. okay, i lied, i sat down at 5:30...to a stack of checks that needed to be entered into the system, and in the deposit book. I sat down to kids who haven't even been entered for the day. I sat down to lunch count not even done yet and infant food logs not filled out. i sat down to kids not checked out properly, so i had to go through and manually check them out. basically, i sat down to 45 minutes of work (and thats with the boss doing half of it tomorrow on her time.)

.i had to help parents, and answer questions all day today. 

.my afternoon staff didnt get to start cleaning until close to 5:30 (we are usually done and walking out the door at 5:45.... we didnt leave until 6:30 tonight.

.i got most the office work done, but still have more that my boss said she would take care of when she got in tomorrow... i feel bad, because that was MY responsibility.

.by the time i left, my hubby had to leave for work too. i havent seen him since this morning. i called him on my way home from work and just cried my eyes out. i feel like we havent seen each other much this week. our schedules are just opposite, when he is home, i am gone and when he is gone i am gone. by the time he gets home i am in bed. by the time i get up and ready for work, he is sleeping cause he has been up while i slept the night before. i miss him and our time together. today felt good to just cry to him on the phone, i cant wait for him to come home tonight, because more than likely i will just cry some more.

.i was looking forward to the weekend, and sleeping in with the hubby, but i have a conference that lasts from 8-5 tomorrow for work in Pocotello (hour and a half from here). ..staff are meeting and driving together... i have to be on the road no later then 6:20am tomorrow morning.

.define hell?? thats simple, my day at work and half my weekend...my so called "break".