.happy birthday beautiful.

.happy birthday chelsea laine peterson.

.i miss our late night talks, our junk food sleepovers, our t-shirt making, our matching EVERYTHING (down to our bras and underwear), i miss art class with you, i miss basketball with you.

.so many more memories, but for now, i am going to just celebrate the day with my daughter, who knows you, and spent time with you in heaven.

.dance it out girlfriend, and give emma a hug for me and andrew.

.we love you and miss you. i promise i will get some unfinished business done for you.

 

.LOVE YOU & HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL.

.my dearest brooklynn.

dear brooklynn.

.daddy and mommy were so thrilled when we found out we were pregnant. mommy was at grandma's mcdonalds house when we found out. august 21, 2010 mommy called your daddy down and he was very surprised/shocked. 

.it didn't seem very real until we made a doctors appointment and heard your little heartbeat. October 5, 2010 we went into Doctor Halls office in Idaho Fall,s Idaho nervous and anxious at the same time. Your heartbeat was fast, and I looked at your daddy with the biggest smile on my face...we were thrilled to have a little one join our family.

.mommy was almost 12 weeks along when we heard your heartbeat. and had to wait another 8 weeks to find out if we were having a little boy or a little girl to join our family. it seemed like such a long time. than finally November 30th, 2010 came and we were able to find out what we were having.

(mommy at 17 weeks a couple weeks before we found out we were having a girl)

.mommy had to drink lots and lots of water in order for the ultrasound lady to see you...mommy was so stressed by the time we got to the office because she needed to go to the bathroom so bad. we finally were brought back to the room, where i informed the nice lady that if she didnt let me use the restroom, i would most definitely pee my pants and her nice bed. she let mommy go. 

.daddy and mommy informed the lady we wanted to know what we were having...as she looked at your small, fragile little body on the monitor, she said, "it's a girl!" i was thrilled, and so excited. i looked at your daddy and he had a smile on his face. i knew he would be wrapped around your finger from that point on. daddy just would deny it.

(picture we sent to everyone saying its a girl)

.about a week after our ultrasound appointment, December 6th, 2010 daddy and mommy felt you move for the first time. i was laying on the couch, and felt you move, i called your daddy over to come feel my stomach. he did and you kicked...he was so shocked and happy...from then on, your daddy was obsessed with "playing" with you and talking to you.

(there is a baby in there)

.christmas came and went, and got many presents...for you. grandma westensee was so excited to be able to buy clothes for you. grandma mcdonald paid for the material for your bedding...that turned out SO cute. January 9, 2011 we started clearing out the spare bedroom for you. we moved daddy's office into our bedroom, and started moving baby furniture slowly but surely into your room.

(mommy 6.5 months pregnant)

.weeks pasted by, i decided to work up until my 38 weeks. i worked at a daycare in idaho falls called diane's early care and education. i was over infants, and loved every minute of it. it was sad to go when the time came, but i was VERY anxious to become attached to my baby girl. i did crafts to keep myself busy...because i just wanted you to come.

 (bedding your awesome aunt kristina made)

 (just a few of the crafts i did... there are like 5 other crafts i did not pictured)

.my due date came and went. you were due on April 22, 2011...but when i went in for my appointment, the doctor said i was only dilated to a 1, and my cervix was still not soft. so i waited and waited. April 26th was my next appointment, Doctor Hall said that I could go into the hospital that night if it worked for me, and start the process of being induced... i called your daddy... we were thrilled, our baby girl would be here sooner than we expected.

.mommy went home and cleaned, caught up on laundry, packed a bag for daddy (since we were staying overnight) and a list of things to remember. daddy and i picked up pizza for dinner cause i was craving it...and filled the car with gas and headed to idaho falls to start the process of having our baby girl in our arms.

.i checked into the Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center (EIRMC) at 7pm April 26, 2011, we were brought to room #116 in the newly remodeled delivery rooms... the nurse Joyce started me on a medicine called Cervidel at 8:50pm (which softens your cervix)...I was to be on that for 12 hours...it also can start contractions....which it did for mommy at 9:30pm I felt my first contraction. Mommy just trooped through the contractions... at 10 my pain level was at a 4 out of 10, by 11 my pain level was at a 5 out of 10 and by midnight my pain level was at a 6 out of ten...so a different nurse, Melissa, started mommy on some pain medication through an IV... but it didnt help mommy. It made mommy VERY dizzy and VERY tired... but every time I closed my eyes, I felt like someone was spinning my bed around.

.at 3am i had my second dose of pain medication in hopes that it would really knock me out to sleep. but it just made me sicker, and more dizzy and was miserable. daddy got NO sleep because of this. mommy was constantly talking/whining/calling for daddy because of the medicine and how she felt. at 6am the nurse asked if i wanted my 3rd dose of medicine... i refused and said i would endure because that medicine made mommy feel so nasty.

.at 7am mommy's nurse who was absolutely wonderful and who mommy really really liked was Kathy. she started me on a medicine called Pitocin, which really starts your labor...the contractions continued, and mommy just kept enduring. at 8:30 doctor hall stopped in to see how far i had progressed and to break my water. doctor hall broke mommy's water and told daddy and me that i was only at a 3. once my water broke, the contractions were VERY VERY painful, and i asked daddy to get a nurse to get an epidural. I didnt see them put in the epidural because it goes in your back, but your daddy watched and can tell you more. i got my epidural at 9am...and loved it. At first it only numbed one leg and part of the other, so they gave me another dose and rolled me onto my side in hopes that the medicine would run down that side to the leg that was only half numb. the feeling was amazing, and after that mommy was VERY happy but at the same time very very tired. i tried to sleep, but found no success.

. at 11:15am while mommy was rested her eyes, i felt pressure down there. i opened my eyes telling daddy to get the nurse, Kathy, because i was certain that i was fully dilated and ready to push. daddy didnt believe me cause kathy had just checked my progress not too long ago, but i was sure and pushed the nurse button. kathy checked me and mommy was a 9... so kathy began getting everything ready for our sweet angel to join us. your daddy was so anxious/excited to meet you.

.at 11:30 your aunt janelle arrived to the hospital. mommy had asked her to come and take pictures, because we were so thrilled to have you here, and we wanted to make sure we truly captured the moment...aunt janelle was also asked to hold mommy's legs... i dont know if she was expecting that, but yes, aunt janelle watched your entire birth... she saw more than mommy, cause mommy was pushing.

.at 11:40 nurse Kathy asked mommy to push once, just to see how much progress we would make, and if doctor hall needed to come now, or after some time pushing. so mommy made her first push at 11:40...and thats when your daddy exclaimed, "what is that!"... nurse kathy assured dad that it was a full head of hair, and than called for doctor hall to come now, because only a few more pushes and our baby girl with apparently a full head of hair would be here very soon. 

.she was right. only 16 minutes later, and our baby girl was here. at 11:56am our precious angel was here. mommy and daddy both cried at the first sight of you. you were beautiful in every way, and barely cried at all. you were 7lbs and 1 ounce, and 20 inches long. you knew who your daddy was instantly, and grabbed his finger when he reached out for you. daddy held you first, and just took in your precious little face. you got all of your daddy's features...your chin and lips are from mommy. once mommy was stitched, daddy brought you to mommy... i just melted when i saw you, and was able to hold you. you were so perfect, and so beautiful in every way. daddy picked out the name Brooklynn and mommy picked out Makenna.... your name is spelt with two "n's" at the end because mommy's middle name is lynn. you are so precious, and your name fits you perfectly.

.than daddy took you with the nurses and gave you your very first bath. he was so nervous, and felt like he would hurt you, because you were so small and fragile. but the kind nurse at the nursery Elise, assured daddy that he was doing everything perfect, and coached him. daddy also put on your second diaper. your first one was put on by the nurse right after you were born. 

.we were brought to "recovery"...we were in room #126 for the next 3 days. daddy would sleep in our room with us at night, and get up very early in the morning and drive to school. and than come back. each time wanting to hold you very first thing because he missed you and hated being apart from you.

.friday april 29th 2011 we finally got to go home.

.your an angel. an answer to a prayer. your beautiful inside and out. you know who your daddy and mommy are, and love to cuddle with them. your a precious gift, and God trusts mommy and daddy with, and we are thrilled. your so precious, and we love every minute of every day we are able to spend with you. we are so anxious to watch you grow and become a special Daughter of God. know that mommy and daddy both love you. 

.thank you for blessing our family brooklynn makenna westensee. .we love you so much.

.changed.

.i am writing a more in depth, personal post regarding change.

.i am taking my time on it.

.so until than, everyone will have to wait.

.however...i can say i am changed.

.i have fallen in love again, and so has my husband.

.there is a new love in our home, for one another and for our beautiful daughter.

.she brings such a love to our family, that i honestly cannot explain.

.my experience is completely indescribable.

.i am changed, for the better, and i am loving every minute of it.

.a letter to my dad.

.dear dad.

.i think this is the easiest way for me to express my feelings. i can cry all i want, and not have to talk to anyone while doing so. i can just sit and write...and that's what i need to do right now.

.when i was in seventh grade, bre and i had this idea that we wanted a dog. mom finally said we could if we earned all the money....well 2 weeks later we had over $100 thanks to the rich neighbors next to us that would pay a ridiculous amount to do a horrible car-wash job. well dad started looking, and we really wanted a border collie like my dad had. we looked and looked and no luck.

.saturday we were raking leaves, when dad told us we should work faster. we were confused and just figured there was another job that we would have to do, and thats why we needed to hurry it up. when we asked him why...he explained that he found an ad in the newspaper for border collie/blue heeler mix. we were SO excited, and worked quickly to finish the job.

.mom wasnt too thrilled that this was all happening so fast. and than told us we could only get a girl because she heard they were more calm. we traveled to this house, and looked at the puppies inside this cardboard box. we asked about any girl puppies, and was informed there was one girl puppy, however she didn't make it. we played with the puppies, and grew EXTREMELY attached to this one who was wild, spunky, fun, energetic (you know everything mom DIDNT want). 

.dad explained we needed to go home and talk to mom, and that we would get back to them. he got in the car looked at bre and i and said, "you really want this dog don't you?" we both nodded, and he gave us the cash and we brought home our dog.

.there are so many stories about dog. but i am not going to get into them yet. i might sit down and share a few later, but right now i am not really in the mood to write too much more.

.the point of this post was to let my emotions out, and my feelings. friday i got a phone call from my dad saying that d.o.g was hurt some way and that he was going to see the vet on monday. the long weekend came and went, and my poor baby couldnt even stand on his back leg at all. dad would carry him into the house in the morning and outsde on his pillow at night. he was still fun, with a spunky personality, but was hurting and not enjoying life.

.well today is monday. and i received the phone call i was dreading. dad called. his first comment was "this seriously runs in the family doesnt it?" confused i asked what he was talking about. than he explained that dog had torn his ACL...and than the tears began. dad paused than continued, he was so nervous when the vet came out to the truck, he peed all over my seat...but i dont care, its just a stupid truck. than dad started to choke up, he continued, "i rubbed his leg when they gave him the shot, he went peacefully. i just spent the last 2 hours burying him down between the two trees at the bottom of the hill. im really sorry! I hope you forgive me."    

.there was no question in my mind that dad did the right thing, i would of did the same thing. its hard because my baby boy wont be there to greet me when i visit in august. he wont whine at my door, i cant skype with him anymore. but he is in a better place now. he has all 4 legs back, he is running, he is in no pain. he is free.

.i guess the hardest thing is how attached the four or us were (mom, dad, bre and me) to dog. he was fun, enjoyable, and so stinking loving. my heart longs for my dad who had to endure this on his own. however, i am SO thankful that dog had someone who loved him to be there with him for his last moments. someone who loved him enough to give his body a place to lay. thank you dad for doing this for me. i ache for not being able to see baby boy before he left, but i am thankful for the knowledge i have that he is happy and jumping around on all four. 

.so yes, if i had to talk about it at this point, i will still cry. my heart is heavy and longs for my baby boy puppy, but he also has lived 9 years, and 5 of those years was on three legs. he is so much happier now.  

.thank you dad for giving me the opportunity to have a pet. to fall in love with him. thank you for taking care of him. thank you for loving him when i cant. thank you for letting him know we love him, and being there with him. thank you for doing this for me, when i couldnt.

.thank you dad. i love you. 

 (bre likes this picture cause dog is smiling.)

.due date day.

.we have officially made it to my due date successfully, but unsuccessfully have delivered a baby girl.

.so now, we are just waiting. andrew sat down and had a nice, long talk with her last night about "how this weekend would be a PERFECT time to come, cause daddy is out of school for two days".

.oh, and cause mommy is VERY uncomfortable, and whines all night about it.yea, you can say we are ready. 

.in the mean time, while waiting. andrew has been...

*taking 21 credits, and working non-stop on homework from 7am to midnight EVERY NIGHT. he never gives himself a break, and i seriously miss it our time together more than anything right now. 

.what have i been doing besides overdosing on facebook, email, and blogger... well this...

 .this is the ADORABLE bedding my sister made my baby girl. i LOVE it.

 .quilt she did to go with bedding (LOVE THE FLOWER!)

 .more of the adorable bedding..

 .inside view of crib (the quilt is folded in half, ITS HUGE.

 .glider the hubby got me. blanket my sister-in-law made, and the pillow i made.

 .curtains that i bought on clearance, and added the pink to the top and bottom and such.

 .baby girls room when you walk in (the picture is not staying, its going to be filled with a black and white maternity picture when my mom in law gets here.

 .close up of the candle holders i did.

 .looking from the door to the right. the whole sha-bang.

 .changing table- with baskets i painted and added too, as well as wipe holder i did.

 .close  up of the baskets i painted and added ribbon to.

 .close up of the wipe holder i covered (i have a hand held one too that's in the diaper bag)

 .canopy cover i made.

 .canopy cover when its closed and covering from the blasted rexburg wind.

 .looking at her door and closet, the stars i painted (use to be in my room) and her duckie hooded towel & bath-robe.

.close up of the flower deal i made (once we get pictures i will add pictures and take off flowers)

.so there you go, can you tell i am BORED OUT OF MY MIND AND READY FOR MY DAUGHTER TO BE HERE... there are a few things i still want to add (a lamp and her name, and some quotes) but time will come and it will be added, until now, i think this will do.

.so come little one. mom and dad are ready for you. (as i am currently typing this and bouncing on a medicine ball.