.worried & helpless.

.the letter from andrew hadn't come on monday. nor did it come tuesday. finally wednesday i get a letter from andrew.

.it was long. and usually this means something when it comes to andrew. so i begin reading it. he thanked me for his package, and for supporting him and such, answered a few questions from my letter i had sent him with his package.

.as i turn the page over, i read that andrew has been stressed and having a really hard time. come to find out, he has had very very bad anxiety. so bad that when he eats that he feels like he is going to throw up, so he doesn't eat that much. that his side is hurting him (from the accident), as well as his wrist. he has lost 10 pounds in a about 1 1/2 weeks.

.my heart dropped. the poor boy has been dealing with these health problems since the accident, and thought he was strong enough to go out and finish the mission. now he is worried. he says, i don't know exactly why i am worried, i just feel like i should be. of course, andrew doesn't want me telling anyone, but i knew that his mom needed to know. i texted debbie and we both are hoping that through extra support and prayers, andrew will be able to continue his mission as he desires.

.i told him he needed to ask for a blessing, and also to pray for an answer on what to do. the poor thing is already so small, and loosing ten pounds, i can only imagine. not only physically has he been fighting...but emotionally.

.monday morning andrew said he had a breakdown. luckily he was alone, but for some reason or another, he said he thought of Emma, the accident, me, and the time he has left...and lost it.

.just as the night of the accident, i feel helpless. i feel do distanced, and not being able to be there to help him, and take care of him. last year andrew got really sick. he was in washington, and his mom wasn't here. so i sat by his bedside has he cried in pain. i felt so helpless. i didn't everything i could think of. he was as white as a ghost, and didn't want to eat anything. i was calling debbie and asking for advice, and he main thing was, don't let him get dehydrated, because he does very easily and fast...and if he does, he has to go to the hospital. i felt helpless. i finally laid my bed on his bed, and cried while holding his hand.

.that's the same feeling i have now. not knowing what to do. i guess with no work today, my mind is just twisting, and when i fall asleep i dream of andrew, and something bad happening. my mind is just going everywhere. and i am worried. that probably explains the food that just doesn't sound good, and my face breaking out. cause i am worried. and feeling helpless.