.lifes journey.

.i havent written in forever.

.not worries. its been a crazy, hetic, stressful, figuring out life, couple of weeks. and even though my life isn't completely what i thought it would be right now, or how the whole situation was going to go down. life is great.

.so as my mom, and sisters, janelle, and tammy kirby can all say...i have had ALOT of thoughts on my mind, lots of tears cried, and lots of heartache. but through faith and prayer...i have found my way back on the road of life. a good road.

.i promised keith and andrew that i would tell them what my decision would be, when i received an answer to my prayer. well i broke one's heart, and filled another. i still have not heard from my best friend of 7 years (8 years in September).

its hard. very very hard. for someone who was always there when i needed him, someone i created so many memories with, for someone who loved me for me, for someone who was such a role model and inspiration to me, for someone who loved Chels and was there for me when she died, for someone i have seen reach just a bit of his potential this past month, for someone who has laughed with me, who has cried with me, someone who made me smile, its hard for that to be gone.

.i hope we have a deep enough friendship, where at least a bit of contact will come back. i promised chels i would watch over him for her, and i feel i am not doing that. sunday june 28- was a hard day. everything went down, keith left and was missing. i was scarred but knew he needed his space. i walked up the small hill to the gravesight, with a picture of petey and i together, got to her tombstone, fell to my knees and cried. i sat there crying, and through the tears told chels how sorry i was for being a horrible friend, and that i needed to be a bestie to keith, respect his wishes, and give him space. that i needed her to watch over him for a little bit for me, because i couldnt at the time. keith is a unique individual. he is strong, and such a role model, he just doesnt know it. he has strength beyond belief, and has such high potential...he just hasnt realized it yet.

.andrew and i have been enjoying each other's company. taken alot of pictures. has alot of talks. spent alot of time with family/friends. its been great. i am happy. it feels right, as much as i didnt want this to go down the way it did...i know its for the right reason, and i have my faith completely in God. i know that i am doing the right thing, and that my life is laying out as planned. here is my favorite picture from the past week. his mom got us matching sweatshirts from the beach. she is thrilled for us. i get to see him friday :) WHOOP!