.thoughts.

.this is more for me.

.since i use my blog as a journal, i thought i should write down my thoughts lately, so i can look back on them.

.in one week, i am gonna be a mama again. one week. phew!

. physically i am SO ready to be done being pregnant. i want to be able to take the 4-6 weeks off after having him. and work my butt off to get back into shape and feel good. i also plan to play basketball this fall semester with my sister, which always makes me feel so good when i get back from a game.

.mentally...i dont know if i am totally ready. i know i can do it. i know it will be hard, and you learn to adjust, but i dont have any doubt that i CANT do it, its that I dont know if i am READY to do it. 

.b has been especially hard this past week. she throws fits, she hits, she kicks, she screams, and she has been SO HARD to put down for bed in the evening lately. i know its a phase, but it stresses me out, thinking of her being like this with a newborn. at the same time, b can be the sweetest, loving, caring, helping little girl ever. i know she will love her little brother...i just need to make sure i balance her and him.

.i am excited/scared to have a boy. i dont know what to expect. i have to learn a whole new process for changing a diaper (you know what i am saying). this stresses me out a bit, but thinking that andrew gets the little boy he has always wanted... makes it all worth it.

.andrew and i are totally nameless. last night when i asked andrew, "if we had him tonight, what would you name him?" andrew's response was, "i wouldnt..i dont have a name i like, so i wouldnt name him until i knew." i know we will think of something...its just different from walking into the hospital last time, knowing our little girl's name would be brooklynn. 

.i am excited/sad that this weekend will be our last weekend as a family of 3. i have honestly laid with b in the morning and just took in every minute of us cuddling together and it being JUST US. of course on the weekend, we usually put brooklynn in the middle of andrew and i and play with her to start off our mornings...i LOVE this...and during the week, its just me and b cuddling and playing. i LOVE this.  this week i made a goal to take b to the pool everyday this week, so far i have missed ONE day...and i think that pretty good. I love the time i get to spend with her one on one, and see her smile and laugh. i know this wont go away, but you have to put your attention towards another now too, not just b girl.

.my goal this weekend is to just savor the time i have with andrew and b. just them. i planned this weekend to go to a waterpark, because brooklynn LOVES waterparks and i LOVE the sun and seeing her happy. i cannot wait. honestly. besides getting into a swimsuit makes me just want to hide, i cannot wait to have fun this weekend with andrew and b. 

.now off to play with b, get some lunch and head down to the pool in an hour or so.