.learning how to juggle.

.since having parker, i have been learning to juggle. 

.learning to juggle andrew time, brooklynn time, cleaning time, me time, etc.

.and let me tell you its not easy.

.i was texting a good friend of mine, Tammy Kirby one night, when Andrew and I were out running a few errands while Debbie/Roger were watching the kids for us. it was so nice to catch up with this lovely lady. when she asked the question, "how are you?" i just let it all out (poor tammy, she seems to get my emotional venting every time we catch up....thanks tammy!).

.i feel like a horrible mom. before having parker it was brooklynn and i. it was our time. it was me and her 100% and 24/7. than parker came along, and i realized the demands of a newborn. (dont think i regret having parker, because by NO means do i....i would do it the same again.). i just forgot how demanding a newborn was, especially with breastfeeding. 

.i have not slept in the same bed with andrew since having parker....i take that back, we slept in the hide-a-bed 3 times since having parker boy (3 weeks ago)....because parker has been fighting gas in the evening and will cry and cry, and so i have been sleeping in the hide-a-bed with him so andrew and brooklynn can both sleep.

.one morning, i woke up to parker sleeping between andrew and i... and i felt like i was punishing brooklynn who was in our bedroom sleeping in her pack and play. it hit me hard how that use to be brooklynn cuddling between us. on weekends, when brooklynn would wake up, i would put her between andrew and i and we would all cuddle and play...it was a great start to our weekend.

.many times brooklynn would cry and cry and just reach out for me. she needed me. she needed her mom. i felt like she was trying to tell me, "mom, look here, i need you too." it was just hard to give brooklynn the time she needed and parker the time he needed. i felt i was really dropping the ball on being a mom, in my attempt of learning to juggle.

.it is getting better. i know its a matter of time of figuring out a routine, and parker getting a little older. this last week, all 3 of us cuddled....brooklynn, parker and i. it was great. (sorry daddy). i try to keep brooklynn engaged in something while i feed parker...and when i need her help, i ask her to help me. she is a GREAT helper. when i am changing parkers diaper, she is right next to him, giving him his paci, and throwing diapers in the garbage (without me asking). she goes to parker when he starts to whine, and gives him his paci, or gives him his blanket. she rocks the swing when he is in there, and gives him hugs every morning when she wakes up.

.brooklynn and i cuddled this last week, and watched video after video after video of brooklynn....from her birth, all the way until now. it was so fun seeing how much she has grown and how much love she brought into our home (and how much she has had her dad wrapped around her finger since birth). i loved this, and brooklynn did too. we just cuddled together and watched and she would laugh and point.

.i sure miss my brooklynn time, but i love my brooklynn parker time. she is such a great sister, and he is such a great brother. i honestly would not change it at all. i love how close they are, and love how close they are going to be as they grow older. they both bring such a special spirit into our home.

.so this post is not to be a "downer", because its not. i have learned that i CAN juggle. i CAN balance both my children, it just takes time. i have days where i drop the ball in my juggling act of being a mommy, but i am starting to get real good at the whole juggling thing overall. 

.so to end this post, of course I have to post pictures of my babies.

 .parker boy.

 .so brooklynn does this face when you take her paci.

 .this is her face when you wont give it back.

 .this is her upset face (can you tell?? haha)

 .and this is JUST before she is really to scream at you to give her paci back.

 .she loves touching his little face.

 .she ALWAYS asks to hold him.

 .love this picture.

 .my beautiful blue eyed beauty.

.parker found his thumb.

.my babies.