.texas uncoated.

.moving to texas has been.....

.hard.

.real hard.

.i LOVE being a stay at home mom, so dont get me wrong, but i also need an out every once in a while, or every night... i take what i can get.

.i have no friends here. i know i will gain some, but so far, its me and the kids, and thats hard.

.i am a very go go go person. my poor kids know what a carseat is, and what shopping is.

.its what i do. its my out.

.but so far i have done none of that, for more reasons than one.

.so far since we have moved here, parker has been a terror.....pain?.

.about a week before we were to moved we found out he moved from the 27th percentile to the 11th....and had lost weight as well. it seems like when all this happened, he also stopped nursing as well. 

.from day one, parker has been a picky eater. its been hard for me to leave him with anyone, okay, i leave him for 3 hours MAX and have to come back...its been HARD. he wont take a bottle, even if its pumped. i have tried 5 different bottles, and have had a million different people try and give it to him, nothing. since he has slowed down with nursing, he has also decided he doesnt like to eat on one side....do you know what that means??....here comes lopsy. i am soooo lopsided it aint pretty and makes me so depressed and feel very far from beautiful. try hiding that one...yea, i have become a master. andrew and i have both agreed that i should stop breastfeeding for the sake of parker getting more nutrients, and for me (i cry over this whole "hiding deal")....however, with him not taking a bottle, makes it impossible, wait it has been impossible.

.than baby food...want to make him purse his lips together, turn his head and cry, take a spoonful for baby food to his mouth and it sounds like your killing the kid. i have FINALLY got him to start taking baby food, but through a medicine syringe and tricking him (making him laughing, acting like im going to give him his paci, etc)...its been HARD.  

.so, i have finally got baby food down him, and he gets constipated. for 3 days.....3 days of hell. (remember i aint candy coating this). he would SCREAM and SCREAM and SCREAM. i would cry, and cry and cry. I was very short tempted, and was with brooklynn too. by the end of the day, i felt like a horrible mom thinking back to the days events.

.its been hard.

.and than the middle-of-the-night-freak-attacks-staying-up-for-2-3-hours-during-the-night-no-matter-how-tired-i-am.

.i have been so emotional, hormonal, sensitive...im a nut case.

.oh but wait, theres more.

.my car.

.oh my good ol 1996 honda accord.

.we pray it lasts for another year, at least. 

.on saturday, andrew plugged in his iphone charger into my cigarette lighter, and for whatever reason, it blew a fuse....so i have NO radio...and no c. lighter.....which means i also have NO gps. (umm, i need that around here...its new to me). than on monday when we were meeting with our real esate agent, on our way home, my blinker started going out....GRRREEEAAATTT.

.well my left blinker went out, and the "blinker sound" would not stop....so here we are listening to some annoying obnoxious blinking sound with no radio to out weigh it, with no blinker. and than it stops, and so does my right blinker. are you kidding me?

.so we are driving home, in the dark, with no blinker what-so-ever.

.unsafe, and totally made me look like one of "those" drivers who just cut over without using a blinker, and who turn without using a signal, and you think "really, i could of pulled out earlier if you would of used your damn blinker." yea, i was one of "those" drivers.

.so i have been stuck at home, because there is NO way i would drive my kids in the car until its fixed. 

.now i literally am, stuck.

.i called my mom and just cried. 

.its been so hard.

.i know things will get better, and i have alot to be thankful for. i just want things to get better on my time, and its not going to....its all on the Lord's time. 

.tuesday evening i was still kinda grumpy. sunday, the missionaries saw new people and we were attacked greeted quickly. let me tell you, they are tricky. they set up an appointment to come over tuesday evening and "get to know us." smart boys.

.they were running 10 minutes late, and i was such a grump about it. i said comments like "we dont have kids of anything to put down" (their appointment was at 8:30 and they were running late...LATE people...can you think of ME for a second....see, total jerk). and lets me honest here...like my kids go down lately at a specific bedtime.

.anyways, they come in and ask about us, and get to know us. one of them went to rexburg for a bit before his mission, so it was fun to talk about the different things of rexburg...his companion is from canada and had just finished applying for all the byu schools (he goes home in march)...and we were all  trying to convince him to go to idaho.

.alright- the good stuff.

.they shared a quick message with us, and talked about how WE need to prepare ourselves for missionary opportunities. and WE need to set the example for others to wonder "why are they so happy?" "they really have their lives together" "their family is so close" etc. they opened with a pray, and closed with a prayer.

.my gosh, those young men carry such an amazing spirit with them, and brought it into our home, and i was so grateful for that. their prayers were so heartfelt, and not just a "repeat". they prayed specify for OUR family and they barely knew us. amazing. it really was exactly what i needed.

.with that being said, i was a total a-hole last night. i was stressed, i was tired, and i felt very alone, and it just all built up. my poor mother got another phone call, and i just cried.

.luckily, i sat down and started to write this, and realize and felt the love of our Savior as i continued to write this, and the heartfelt prayers from our loved ones for us, and even from those who dont know us that well (missionaries). today is going to be a much better day. no matter how tired i am, or how i feel alone. i am blessed.

.i am blessed to be able to stay home with my children. i dont have to work, i dont have to drop them off at daycare. i get to stay in my sweatpants, with no makeup all day long with my kids. andrew has a job, this is a blessing. he provides for us.

.im not trying to say our life is perfect. because it's not...its FAR FAR from. but its my life, and i needed to write down my angry feelings, to realize this. life is tough, what would it be without trials. i need a swift kick in the butt reminder, that trials help me grow. its just hard at the time. the moved is hard, but i need to learn to reach out and create friends of my own...be SOCIAL...oh, that was a hard word to write.

.alright, my pathetic pity party rant is over.

.my next blog post will be filled with pictures and videos.

.because life is good, and our Savior is just allowing me to grow and learn and be appreciative of what i have....for my family, my kids, my husband, my LIFE.