.im going to write something that i have always had an opinion about, but haven't taken the time to write about it.
.until now.
.now that its summer, and i see it more.
.and because its MY BLOG...i can write whatever i want.
.and hey, maybe i'll finally get some comments on here from others and their opinion.
.little girls in sleeveless stuff.
.it drives me INSANE.
.i remember when i found out i was having a girl, my mother in law saying to me "just promise me one thing, to always have your daughter modest."
.i remember promising this to her, and blowing it off, like "yea okay"....but I can honestly say that there is maybe 2 times my daughter wore a spaghetti strap top (one- someone else was watching her, and got her dressed) and another time, i just did....and andrew noticed first thing walking through the door.
.for me, i want to be able to talk to brooklynn about being modest...and make her live it...even at a young age. i want her to get mad at me when she is a teenager and say "why do i have to wear this" and for me to be able to tell her she has since day 1. she has ALWAYS been modest. and the pictures can prove it.
.people use the excuse that its hot. umm.....hello. i LIVE IN TEXAS. i know heat. at 8 this morning it was already 80 degrees with a high of 97. i know heat. but does that make you take off your extra layer.
.i guess i have noticed it more with the summer being here. cute dresses....throw a t shirt underneath. guess what...if you think your daughter is SO cute....she STILL will be. even with a tshirt underneath. brooklynn has already started to pick up on things that are not modest. sometimes while watching a show, she will point it out....and everytime she does, i grin from ear to ear because i know that even though it hot here, and she is "only three" she still is listening and learning. she is living the gospel. she is setting an example. an example i am proud of. she is standing out among others and living the standards that have been put there to protect us.
.and when it comes time to "wear the extra layer" its not going to phase her. its not going to be a total shock as she gets older and goes clothes shopping and her mother is no longer letting her wear dresses or shirts with no sleeves. i have always made her, and it wont be new news for her. at what point do you say "okay, your too old and now you have to start wearing sleeves".
.i think this has stuck even more since i have been called to primary. i am in front, teaching these children gospel principles, and im living them. me, and my family. even my kids. some of these children come with their grandmas, or single moms, or were newly baptized, and look to ME as an example. look at me, and listen to me. im not perfect. andrew will testify. i know that. i have a lot of work to do. but when it comes to being modest, setting an example in my home, and enforcing a standard in my home. i can honestly say, "i am".
.i am super thankful my parents stuck with being modest. im not saying i was perfect. there was many times in high school i would get there and change. but when i went through the temple...it was no surprise to me. my wardrobe barely changed. it was a little hotter some days...but i was reminded that i am doing the right thing.
.brooklynn- you may not like me when your older, but you will thank me when you have already set good standards that you wont have to change. guys wont be looking at your in the wrong way, and will see you for your beautiful, fun, energetic, bubbly, sensitive, caring personality....and your absolute beautiful self.
You are a great mom and example to others! I only have boys- i feel like its easier to keep them modest- but i just want to say way to go for dressing your girl modestly from day one!
ReplyDeleteI have felt the same way! My parents always taught me to dress modestly so I never had to change when I went through the temple or worry about what clothes I was going to bring to girls camp or even if I had a suit to wear at swim activities (part of this was from being a swimmer). I agree with Melinda though keeping a boy dressed modestly is so much easier. Even with Kenneth I have added an extra layer to a sleeveless outfit, but I have gotten rid of them since I figured it's not worth it. :)
ReplyDeleteYou probably don't remember me but we were in the same ward in Rexburg for a bit and I've been a silent reader for a while (that sounds a little stalkerish-sorry!) but I just wanted to say that I completely agree with you. If we don't teach our children when they are young its going to be a tough up hill battle later. Two inches of fabric are not going to make you completely over heat and die. And I'm too paranoid about my girl's shoulders getting burned to put them in anything but a t-shirt.
ReplyDeleteI remember you! I don't understand what you don't agree with. Because everything you just mentioned I agree with. I think many people use the "it's too hot excuse" too much. I think there is a reason we are told to teach child at a age age, and not just with modesty. We are told to do fhe (even though it's hard at a young age), to say prayers with them, to read scriptures with them.... If we are doing all of this, wouldn't we also be teaching them modesty, keeping the sabbath day holy etc.
DeleteYou can clarify what you don't agree on, if I didn't understand you correctly.
I like having readers. Even silent ones :)
Haha no, I do agree with you 100%. It's funny because I was just thinking about the modesty on little girls issue the other day. If you don't teach them when they are young, when is the appropriate age? When they are 8 about to be baptized and throwing a fit that they want a sleeveless dress or when they are 16 trying on prom dresses that have no sleeves?! For me, I say its easier to never even go down that path and teach them from the start.
ReplyDeleteWell, obviously, I put C in sleeveless stuff. Not all the time, but yes I do it. I respect the choice not to, but I think we as mothers should try to avoid making assumptions/judgements about those who do. Even if it is gospel standard related, I find it best to not try and guess the reasons why. I also teach Primary (and Activity Days), and I see girls in sleeveless tops all the time. I guess it just doesn't bother me because I know how belligerent girls (at any age) can be. My own teenage sister refuses to be modest at school dances. Do I blame my parents for that? Heck no- she has a mind of her own. For little ones, the concept of "toddler modesty" is kinda funny to me... I'm sure that as my daughter gets older the rules will change. Someone asked when is the right age? I don't know. I'm sure its different for every girl. But you do what you feel comfortable with and allow other moms to do the same.
ReplyDeleteMy own decision to dress modestly as I grew up was a personal one, not one my parents made for me. And because of that my feelings on modesty are based on experience and a genuine testimony. I want my daughters to want to be modest for the same reasons, and I'll vigorously encourage modesty as they grow up- but force it? No, that's not something I am comfortable with. (Though I can't say the same for my husband...haha)
Anyway- this can certainly be a touchy subject for some. I applaud your bravery to share your honest thoughts on this, though I don't feel the same. This is just my two cents, since everyone else was giving theirs :)
Linds. I'm glad you commented. Honestly. I think this is part of the amazing plan for us... We are not all the same, we all parents different, and God knows that. Thank goodness we have the freedom to make these choices.
DeleteI just had to get it off my chest, and thought "yea, it's my blog I can write whatever I want and people can get offended over my opinion if they want"... You know me, just want to start a bunch of drama. ;)
I am not offended- I think we should be able to express our opinions without it being "drama". :) It IS your blog and you should write whatever you want! Knowing, of course, that there might be a few who don't agree, that's all.
ReplyDeleteHi! I don't usually comment on controversial topics but I have to comment on this one! It will probably be a long post haha. I respect your opinion but I am one of the ones who disagree! Ellie has a bunch of sleeveless shirts and almost all of her dresses are sleeveless... I have hardly ever even given it a thought. I never thought of it has "immodest". What I HAVE been thinking of lately is adult modesty... and WHY our shoulders need to be covered? I know if we wear garments then of course we need sleeves but why is it immodest to show our shoulders? Like - what is so appealing about our shoulders to make us immodest if they show? It almost makes as little sense to me as back in the day - it was immodest for women's ankles to show. Maybe it's because I'm a convert why I don't fully understand. My whole life I have been modest to the extreme - in fact in high school I would wear two shirts for layers so my shirts weren't too low down my chest. I always wore long skirts and never wanted them higher than my knee (all this before I was a member). BUT - I never thought of my shoulders showing as immodest. It actually didn't hit me until a few months ago that sometimes I wish I COULD wear sleeveless - nothing against the church, but I feel like Heavenly Father made us woman special and I understand covering up most things, but shoulders I don't understand... I always felt beautiful with a sleeveless shirt on (I haven't worn one for 6 years since I got baptized but I remember the feeling!). Anyway - I kind of agree with Lindsey that I want Ellie to WANT to dress modestly and of COURSE I will teach her that and those principles :) But since she's only 3 I don't see a problem with shoulders showing (well, I don't in anybody but I have always and will always follow the rules of the church!). Now... start talking about little girls in two piece bathing suits and THEN I have a problem. That is something I can't stand... I don't like two piece bathing suits on anyone but especially little kids! Okay, that's all :) Love ya Tash!
ReplyDeleteLove the long comment Katie. Obviously, I totally respect your comment, and love you to death...so I'm just going to expand on your comment...so you said you want Ellie to choose and teach her those principles...shouldn't you be teaching those now, and letting her make the decision now? What's the cutoff point or I guess the starting point when you do this? If we teach other principles such as prayer, service, obedience , etc... Isn't it being obedient to follow the standards of the church? There is no set age, the church just says it.
DeleteAs for for us as adults. I completely see why they say no shoulders. First- where would the cut off be? If they said you can show your shoulders than does that mean a thick strap, a speghetti strap, or just cut off at the shoulders? It would bring much confusion instead of just saying "shoulders covered". You mentioned feeling "beautiful" with a sleeveless dress... Men have a completely different mind than us. Satan is constantly tempting men and I think showing some shoulder can really tempt them. If you feel beautiful, I'm sure men think "sexy" which could lead their minds to further things.
Anyways. Now I got a long comment like you ;) love you Katie!!
I don't think there's a certain one "point" where we start teaching our kids these things - I think it's important to teach modesty all the way from the beginning... my issue is that I believe things to be modest that you think are immodest. Haha - it's true! I am ALL for modesty and teaching my kids about it as early as birth :) But - in my eyes (and my husband agrees) showing shoulder is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to feel immodest about. When I said I want to teach Ellie the principles and rules of the church I mean it... I do and I will continue to. But there is no church rule that says kids can't wear sleeveless shirts/dresses. My mother-in-law is 100% active and a wonderful example and great LDS woman... and she buys sleeveless dresses for Ellie all the time - it doesn't mean she's any less involved in the church - it's just a matter of opinion about what is modest and what isn't. It's up to us as individuals. I will teach Ellie about modesty and when the time comes I will explain to her about the garments - I can't tell you exactly how and when it will all happen because I don't know. I just know that for right now, I am comfortable with her wearing sleeveless clothes that I believe to be modest (you may not) and that's all that matters. But it is interesting hearing other opinions and I can appreciate a good topic to discuss! :) Again - I'm pulling the convert card here and adding that as a factor. But either way, this is all just my opinion! :)
DeleteWhew! So much to be said here. But I will just add this one plug in...ever since I was in YW it always bugged me that the leaders would tell us to dress modestly because it will tempt the young men (or men) sexually. First of all, why should the way I dress be based on what a dude will think? I believe that the desire to dress modestly should come from personal reasons and not from the perception of the male species. Secondly, a guy will think what he wants to think regardless of how many layers a young woman or little girl has on. Perverts don't seek out girls with sleeveless tops, they seek out girls who are easy targets or who satisfy some sick criteria- and they do it because they are twisted in the mind and need pyschiatric help. Husbands don't cheat on their wives because they see a woman with a short skirt on, they do it because of unresolved marital issues. Young men have marvelous imaginations- they think up all kinds of things when they are alone without any girls around them at all. Immodesty should not be the culprit to sin- it is the individual who makes these choices. I even remember the phrase from one of my leaders... "walking pornography." It took me a long time to get over that and reassure myself that in God's eyes I am never "walking pornography." I am a daughter of God and he will love me no matter what. I agree with Katie that parents will see things differently in terms of modesty- my daughters cute chubby shoulders and arms showing is not immodest to me, but actually totally freaking adorable :) I'm not sure at what point the dresses will start to have sleeves either, and I don't feel that I need one. I know that the Spirit will help me make the decision as she grows older.
ReplyDelete