.short.

.last night i was reminded that life is too short.

.i wasn't REALLY close to ryan pincock... but i had classes with him, and he could easily make ANYONE laugh. he had a strong sense of humor, and was so sweet... once you got past the humor.

.i feel like i am re-living my senior year. another death, and scarred to log onto facebook or myspace, or pick up the phone, for the next one. Thats how i felt after my september-with emma passing away. october- with nicole passing away. and november-with my best friend, chelsea passing away. hearing about ryan passing away, i almost put up a guard, so i am prepared for the next thing.

.rest in peace ryan. you will be missed. you have people in heaven who will embrace you with open arms.

.little moments.

.lately, i have shifted my life into a lower gear, a slower gear, where i have been able to see the little moments more.

.i have realized that i am not perfect. that i make mistakes. but it was brought to my attention by a friend that i really try to stay in contact with people. that i really go out of my way to make sure that everyone is taken care of. that i would set everything aside, and not get sleep, if it meant talking to a friend.

.however, i am not saying that i am the best example ever, but i have realized too often i have passed by the little moment in life. little moments that i will long for when i move in december.

.little moments from holly- her hugs whenever she sees me, her kisses & tears when i leave. her laughter that just makes you laugh, her smile that is so big and bright and can make any frown go away.

.little moments from kian- his "eye" when he is ready to do something to his sister. his laugh, when he have a pillow fight. his smile, when he is excited to see me, but doesnt want to admit it.

.little moments from tammy- her "sister/mom" figure she is to me, her talking to me into the early hours of the next day, her inspiring words she shares, her faith in God. kyle your cool too.

.little moments from my mom- her laugh when she made a good joke, her worries for me, her "not enough sleep" moments, her hugs, her laughter, her love.

.little moments from my dad- his smile- when i am funny, his "pushes" when he walks past me, his breakfast meals, his "after family-prayer hugs.

.little moments from my sister- her calling me bobo-in front of people, her hilarious jokes, her stupid smile, our "sister talk"

.little moments from my dog- his whining when we come home, his 3 legged running. his nasty licks, just sitting with him.

.i have more people, but these are people who have really been here for me since summer started. people i have grown close to, but soon will move away. dont get me wrong, i have others who have been there for me, but they are away already, and do moving, really isnt a HUGE factor.

.lyrics to a song that has really been on my mind lately.

"Little Moments" Brad Praisley

Well I'll never forget the first time that I heard
That pretty mouth say that dirty word
And I can't even remember now what she backed my truck into
But she covered her mouth and her face got red
And she just looked so darn cute
That I couldn't even act like I was mad
Yeah I live for little moments like that

Well that's just like last year on my birthday
She lost all track of time and burnt the cake
And every smoke detector in the house was goin' off
And she was just about to cry until I took her in my arms
And I tried not to let her see me laugh
Yeah I live for little moments like that

I know she's not perfect but she tries so hard for me
And I thank god that she isn't 'cause how boring would that be
It's the little imperfections it's the sudden change in plans
When she misreads the directions and we're lost but holdin' hands
Yeah I live for little moments like that

When she's layin' on my shoulder on the sofa in the dark
And about the time she falls asleep so does my right arm
And I want so bad to move it 'cause it's tinglin' and it's numb
But she looks so much like an angel that I don't wanna wake her up
Yeah I live for little moments
When she steals my heart again and doesn't even know it
Yeah I live for little moments like that

.lifes journey.

.i havent written in forever.

.not worries. its been a crazy, hetic, stressful, figuring out life, couple of weeks. and even though my life isn't completely what i thought it would be right now, or how the whole situation was going to go down. life is great.

.so as my mom, and sisters, janelle, and tammy kirby can all say...i have had ALOT of thoughts on my mind, lots of tears cried, and lots of heartache. but through faith and prayer...i have found my way back on the road of life. a good road.

.i promised keith and andrew that i would tell them what my decision would be, when i received an answer to my prayer. well i broke one's heart, and filled another. i still have not heard from my best friend of 7 years (8 years in September).

its hard. very very hard. for someone who was always there when i needed him, someone i created so many memories with, for someone who loved me for me, for someone who was such a role model and inspiration to me, for someone who loved Chels and was there for me when she died, for someone i have seen reach just a bit of his potential this past month, for someone who has laughed with me, who has cried with me, someone who made me smile, its hard for that to be gone.

.i hope we have a deep enough friendship, where at least a bit of contact will come back. i promised chels i would watch over him for her, and i feel i am not doing that. sunday june 28- was a hard day. everything went down, keith left and was missing. i was scarred but knew he needed his space. i walked up the small hill to the gravesight, with a picture of petey and i together, got to her tombstone, fell to my knees and cried. i sat there crying, and through the tears told chels how sorry i was for being a horrible friend, and that i needed to be a bestie to keith, respect his wishes, and give him space. that i needed her to watch over him for a little bit for me, because i couldnt at the time. keith is a unique individual. he is strong, and such a role model, he just doesnt know it. he has strength beyond belief, and has such high potential...he just hasnt realized it yet.

.andrew and i have been enjoying each other's company. taken alot of pictures. has alot of talks. spent alot of time with family/friends. its been great. i am happy. it feels right, as much as i didnt want this to go down the way it did...i know its for the right reason, and i have my faith completely in God. i know that i am doing the right thing, and that my life is laying out as planned. here is my favorite picture from the past week. his mom got us matching sweatshirts from the beach. she is thrilled for us. i get to see him friday :) WHOOP!

.decisions.

.currently, i am standing at my crossroad, deciding which decision to make.

.recently i have been feeling different about someone who i care about. i have had strong feelings about keith going to church. however i wanted him to go for himself. we have had deep conversations about my thoughts/my goals in life/etc. through all of this, i have made sure he is going for HIM...not for me. he recently agreed to take the missionary discussions and honestly time with tell about how things go from here.

.of course, this is bringing problems with andrew and i. so i have asked for "space" to figure out my wants/needs in a relationship and in my future. i worry about andrew, with his health. but we have talked about it, and he respects my wishes. this was also a wish from his mom, for both of us to date other people. i need to figure out if something/someone different is what i want, or if i want to pursue the relationship with andrew...and if that happens it has ALOT of changes that needs to b made. not only on his behalf, but mine as well.

.so thats whats been going on in mu life. its been crazy and stressful, but i feel so much better knowing that everyone knows how i feel, with no strings attached to anything. thank you for all those who have been there to help me (my girl-janelle, my other girl-tammy, my bestie-keith, my sister-kristina) talk through my problems, give me advice, and be patient through this trial/blessing of mine.

.song.

.i have a song that was introduced to me by my bestie. i have never heard it, which is funny cause 1-its country 2-its be jason aldean. anyways so here are the lyrics to it. and its the first song that plays on my playlist. i listen to this song every morning, and it just starts out my day right. i love love love it. thanks keith for introducing it.

YOUR THE LOVE I WANNA BE IN-BY JASON ALDEAN

I've always been there every time he let you down.
I caught your fallin' tears before they hit the ground.
But I just heard somebody say that you finally told him goodbye.
Well, girl now you've finally made your move, now I'm here to make mine.

I wanna be there when you wake up,
Be more than just your friend.
Baby there's no mistakin',
You're the love I wanna be in, ah yeah.

I've kept my feelins under lock and key.
Couldn't let you see them even though it was killin' me.
You can't imagine all the time I spent wishin' you were mine.
I just know if we ever kissed, we'd go crazy, baby, for the rest of our lives.

I wanna be there when you wake up,
Be more than just your friend.
Baby there's no mistakin',
You're the love I wanna be in.


Well, I wanna be there when you wake up,
Be more than just your friend.
Baby there's no mistakin',
You're the love I wanna be in.

I wanna be there when you wake up,
Be more than just your friend.
Baby there's no mistakin',
You're the love I wanna be in.
You're the love I wanna be in, ah yeah.

I wanna be there when you wake up.