.update.

Most recent news with the Westensee Family. Andrew is "done" with school mentally, but still has 2 more weeks ahead of him. He is doing wonderful in all his classes, he just seems to have the brains I am still searching for.

I am still working with the Kirby Family whom I love and cherish. Even with the goldfish and grapes I found last night on the floor of my car that didn't make me too happy, I still love them so stinking much. Kian told me Thursday, "Tash, I really like your hair like that." What i great time to say something, cause I wasn't feeling so "pretty" that day!

I also got a second "seasonal" job as See's Candies. I was afraid at the beginning of the interview when they explained they were looking for a sales person, and that I didn't have experience there. I though for sure, I was done. But at the end of the interview, Steve asked, "my question is would you like to work for us?" YES! Even though I wanted to say no because it meant an extra week of not seeing Andrew (by the time I see him on Christmas Eve, we will be almost at one month), however I knew I couldn't be selfish, and think about my family now. It was a little extra money now, and around Valentines Day & Easter, and they will hire you back around these times if your in town :) Great for a mom. So I took it, start training Monday. So excited. :)

That's about it. I was reading my sister's blog and it inspired me to write a few "random" facts/post about myself. Facts that I have thought alot about this week.

* I am VERY hard on myself. I have low self-confidence. It gets to me alot. I compare myself to other girls all the time. I wish I was prettier, skinnier, smaller chested, smaller theighed, etc. its a MAJOR problem I have, but it eats away at me constantly.

* I worry about being a good wife/mom to Andrew. I see his mom and all the wonderful thing she has does, and continues to do for him. He is very independent and that scares me sometimes. I am attached to the boy, especially emotionally. Andrew- DOES NOT show feelings/emotions. I think I have seen him cry 2 in the time I have known him. 1-when he was singing a song to me, while we danced-talking about him leaving for his mission 2-Emma's funeral. I worry about making meals, laundry, money, just being a supportive wife, now one that is a burden.

* I blame myself everyday for the sh** i put Andrew through. Yet, even with it all, he has stuck through it with me, and been there for me. He sees something in me, that I don't see in myself (potential). I kick myself in the booty everyday knowing the pain i put my husband through. I know i made mistakes, I regret them, but I also learned from them. Even with the regret, I am glad that I experienced all of them, they shaped me into a better person, and really brought realization to my life/eyes that Andrew was the one for me, and the one who will be there for me through thick and thin.

* I know I am a daughter of God, who loves me and I love him. I have a very strong testimony of my Savior and His love for me. I am thankful for the Atonement, and through it, I was be perfected again, and be sealed to my sweetheart. I LOVE the temple and the blessings I have been promised and the work I can do there. I am so thankful for the gospel in my life, and the assuring feelings it brings to me, through trials in my life. I am thankful for my husband and his love, faith and companionship in me.

.for time & all eternity.

On Saturday, November 21, 2009 I married my high school sweetheart for time & all eternity in the Portland, Oregon Temple. It was a beautiful day, a bit chilly, but the clouds made way and parted when we walked out the door hand in hand, a VERY happy mr. & mrs. westensee.

My stomach was twisted the night before, I felt my mouth gain another canker sore from the stress/nervous feelings. I went through the temple for myself Friday morning. Though still tired, I was nervous but eager. Andrew didn't help when he kept questioning "are you nervous, are you ready for this?" Being such a sacred experience, I cannot further the conversation, however, it was one of the most emotional/eye opening/heart felt experience I have ever had. I was SO thankful Andrew was able to be there as well as my family & close friends. I grew such a deeper love for Andrew, and truly was so grateful for him to be there to "pull me through & help me through." (cant talk too much about temple...sorry!)

Three o clock rolled around and everyone was stressed, and running every which way. I am so thankful and grateful for my sisters that took my hand, and truly helped me through the reception/wedding planning. Although the "layout" & "decorations" did not turn out how I had pictured... it was better. It was absolutely beautiful. Ronnie did an AMAZING job on the archway... and Kristina did an AMAZING job on the backdrop behind the food table. The boys worked hard to give the ceiling the effect that I wanted. My dear Andrew could tell I was stressed...walked over to me at about 7:30 gave me his debit card and said, "get out of here, go get your nails done" two hours later, I walked through and it looked absolutely beautiful. It was better than i imagined.

We stayed a couple of hours, I think about 11 o clock we finally got home...everyone tired. I walked through the house into 2 kids running around with cheese stick in their hands (one also in sponge curlers) and my sisters who has already slaved over my reception was dying each other's hair. It was quite a sight. My older sisters took time to make sure I had everything, and if I needed anything else. 2am I finally went to bed, to arise at 6am.

Tired, but eager, I got up, wash my hair and put on my makeup. Headed downstairs to wake up my prego sister Natalie to help with my hair. She did an AMAZING job. Little did people know, I had a fake hair piece in to make my hair look fuller. I wasn't sure about it being all up, and actually told Andrew, I don't know if I like my hair all up....but Andrew's face when we saw me all "done up" was priceless.

To the temple we went. Late. But my words were, "I'm a bride who needed to finish getting ready" as we pulled into the parking lot. Of course, the people in the temple were nicer than ever, and didn't say a thing about my tardiness. Andrew and I went our separate ways to get dressed, came back together. A grin from cheek to cheek were painted across both our faces as we walked into the room where family & friends were gathered. We knealed across the alter and was sealed for time and all eternity.

The new Westensee Family.my personal favorite.

.kissing.

.scottie's favorite..!!!!kirby family came to greet us!!!!!

.my darling "kids".

.my favorite 2 & 4 year old in the whole wide world. .cake kiss.

.the aftermath...he was nice to me.
.1 boy & 7 girls..everyone who was there to greet us.
.oneals. judds. westensees. mcdonalds. kirbys.

.bridal shower.

.last night i attended a bridal shower for ME. it was so much fun to catch up with friends, and recreate memories. one game, was a bunch of pictures of me, and they had to guess my age... i couldnt remember how old i was in half the pictures. neither could my mother. so we guessed. when game time came around, katelynn stark told me in about 3 pictures of age and why. one was one her 18th birthday making me 17 (mom and i guessed 16). another she reinformed me that the boys went to state their junior year, making me 17 (mom and i guessed 17). and the last picture i forgot. it was alot of fun.

.i got ALOT of amazing presents. picture frames, my table "squares" (cant think of right word right now), candles, cooking set, pan, apple slicer, gift card, rolling pin, potatoe slicer, can opener, money, "a cold night set (blanket, mugs, hot chocolate) etc. One of my very favorite, just because I have never owned one (I KNOW WEIRD) was a makeup bag from Cindy Cheney. Not only because it was a set of three, so for traveling was it amazing. but it was EXACTLY my colors. NO JOKE! It was black and white with pink added!! AMAZING! and of course, i got lingerie from my girls (kate & jazzi)...one is silky HOT PINk with black... and the other is BLACK with purple. (i usually dont like purple, but it is ridiculously CUTE).

.cindy cheney put on one amazing party. wow. it was absolutlely awesome! I have attended ONE other party, so i didnt know what to expect. The games were fun, and the food was AMAZING! Cindy did a "hawaiian theme" because I am going to hawaii for my honeymoon...it was awesome. The table display and arrangements she put together for the food was absolutely amazing. And the food was GREAT (as always)!

.i am so thankful for moms that love me and came to spend time with me. I was truely grateful for all that came and celebrated this great time with me.

.it sure is coming fast, I knew this week would fly by between parties, wedding planning, basketball, working, etc. I am SO thrilled to see my sisters and nieces on Friday! To pick up my dress, to get my hair done... its all finally starting to settle in (scarry).

.even with all the hetic things of the world, and going on around me. I seemed to not be able to sleep in this morning... (which i SO had planned). Then i realized that with all the excitement going on, its hard to realize one of my best friends isnt here to celebrate it with me. Tomorrow will mark 3 years since Chels has passed away. I still remember that morning and the tears that was shed that day and for MANY MANY weeks following. However, she always cheered for Andrew and I to be together, so I know her and Emma are celebrating and having a party of their own. i sure miss her.

.coming fast.

.27 days and counting.

.i am not only counting down days until my wedding, to be sealed to andrew and to "run away" for a week to hawaii.

.i am also counting down the days until my WHOLE family is together again. I am always to happy to have all my sisters together, to be able to spend time with my nieces and just create memories. i am so anxious.

.once my honeymoon is over, i have to send andrew off for another 3 weeks while he finished his semester of school. this is going to be SO ridiculously sad, however, i will again be counting down the days for my SEE-STER (as mia says) to come home too. I have realized how much i would have HATED being an only child. of course the luxuries of being spoiled and having the attention of your parents all the time might be nice, i am so bored and lonely without bree.


.i think we have both taken for granted what we had together as sisters. we had a true bond and love that could compare with no other sister. being close in age has been great. even at the times when she rubs in my face that she is 18 and i am 20 and engaged and we still have the same curfew. i sure miss my sister alot and cannot wait for her to come home.

.its crazy to think i am going to be a "married woman," a "westensee"... but i have realized just how blessed i am to have someone in my life who knows me better than i probably know myself sometimes. he can tell if i have a bad mood just by looking at me. he really can make me smile at times i REALLY dont want to. sometimes i just want to kick his butt... but he probably wants to do the same with me ALOT more. i am so thrilled to know i will have a husband who will care for me, comfort me, support me, and love me for my entire life.

.?change?.

.i am SO SO SO SO SO sick of my hair. however. i have to deal with it for a little longer, for the sake of having hair to do something for the wedding.

.however. the "shorter" hair look i have been SO tempted to do, but i am just not sure if i could go there. my sister ronnie has an AMAZING hair person, who i adore and love. she has fixed my hair one too many times and has really listened to what i want, and made things look great. (hence reason i am going to her, week before my wedding to get hair done.)

.so the thought of cutting my hair has crossed my mind. i just dont know if it makes my look fatter in the face, and if i can even pull it off.

.i found some pictures of the length i would want and such...however, the girl (amy sperline) is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS and SUPER blonde, and SUPER tan. exactly opposite than me. i am NOT drop dead gorgeous. I am NOT super blonde (been there, dont that with my hair, hence the nickname "piss head" i gave myself) and i am NOT super tan. but will be after hawaii.

.here are two pictures of miss amy sperline. again, IF i did this, i would not be as blonde, and not as pretty, and not as tan.... but is it TOOO risk-ay for me.

.straight & curled.

.now here is a picture of me WAY darker than i would EVER go again, and shorter hair (i think i little TOO short) and NOT styled.

.seeing this pictures makes me RE-think going short.